A different life

Children have certain expectations for their futures, like becoming a great neurosurgeon or author, or marrying some brilliant man who would fill their evenings with laughter and smart cocktails.

Then the children grow up and life changes.

We see the world differently.

I had all these aspirations as a child. I envisioned myself a woman in a suit with spiked heels and glasses, in charge of hundreds or thousands of employees. Or maybe I would become a lawyer and practice criminal law. [I was so bent on this I was signed up for pre-law in my first year of college.]

I saw myself in a big city studio apartment with huge windows. I would be within walking distance to theatres and restaurants, and I'd visit the museum one day and go to a rock concert the next.

I also saw myself falling for a man in a suit - someone in the office who was handsome and smart but not cocky. Or maybe I'd meet someone while playing flag football in the park, and he would make his move after I made my big catch. He was going to be smart, but he couldn't take himself too seriously. He would make me laugh and I would make him happy.

I had this all mapped out.

But I never saw marriage.

Or kids.

Most girls grew up dreaming of their big day - their wedding - and I dreamt of my graduation from a prestigious college. I was a tomboy who was told to dream big and dream hard, so I did. But I forgot I would become a woman someday.

It made relationships confusing. Most of my friends were guys, so it was difficult to know what to do when one of my best friends declared his affections. He deserved more than what he got, which was an "I'm sorry" and an expanding distance between us. After that, most of my boyfriends were short lived or kept a secret.

I had no intentions of getting serious with any of them.

The waters muddied even more when I met Mike. By the time we started dating, he was one of my two best friends. It fit, and he was immediately part of the family. He was not a suit. He was not part of some extravagant flirting ritual in an office. But he was handsome and made me laugh. He made me feel important. And he made me feel like I could love someone more than myself.

But he was early.

Really, really early.

I was 18 years old and still in high school, well before my goals had begun to take shape.

There was a moment when I asked myself if I shouldn't just let him go and continue on with my life.

But I couldn't do it.

I said yes when he asked me to marry him.

Life changed and I never did go to law school. Instead, I became a stay-at-home mom.

I never did get that studio apartment, but I did get a nice little house in a small town with great neighbors.

I never did have that romantic one-handed grab for a husband, but I did get Mike who makes me laugh and cry to this day like he did the first time I met him.

I know that I can still have all those things if I really want them.

If I could meet that little girl, I'd let her have her dreams and I'd tell her to go for them.

Because I knew that someday she'd find a much bigger dream, and it'd be worth every one of the sacrifices she'd make to get it.