I have completely lost my mind.
We were left with five Pull-Ups as of last night, so I asked Mike to stop after work to buy more. The girls went on a poopfest all day, so I used the last of the Pull-Ups by one o'clock. And that was before the girls went to the bathroom and trashed all three of their clean ones.
So what is a person to do?
She resumes serious potty training.
Just to prove she's serious, she calls Mike and cancels the order of Pull-Ups.
Nuts? Maybe. I'd like to imagine that two days from now, my kids will be peeing and pooping regularly on their own. (Don't you dare even think about contradicting it because it may make me insane enough to hunt you down and force you to potty train the kids.)
By the way, that's one service I'd be willing to pay for - a person to come over and potty train my children.
More fun things I'd be willing to pay for:
* A GPS tracking device that installs into your children's clothes and is accompanied by a handheld screen and map. Never lose those kids in the mall again!
* A device that attaches to your kid at the swimming pool so it beeps a warning: "I'm drowning and I can't get up!" That way I can drink and lounge in peace.
* A warning system in my house that tells the kids when they're being too loud. Maybe shock collars could be added to really drill in the point that they should settle down.
Am I being a Pessimistic Polly today? I couldn't imagine why. Potty training's not stressful or anything. I mean, I only told Mike to get his ass off the couch because if I had to look at a person sleeping while I was dealing with the crap going on in the house, I might crack him upside the head with a brick. But I'm in a great mood!
4 comments:
I'd potty train for $$.
I had a much easier experience with Ducky than I was anticipating, so now I hand out assvice like CRAZY.
Seriously though, good luck. You WILL live through it. You will be SO happy on the other side.
And prepare to laugh maniacally once your girls grow up and have to potty train their own kids. :-)
I am thinking of joining you... Ugh. I may drink just thinking of it. Nah, actually, I'll just watch from the safety of my laptop.
I have totally promised anyone that invents a GPS that can be implanted into my child - one million dollars! I can do laundry in the house - while he rides his big wheel on the sidewalk. Then I don't have to wonder where he is! LOVE the idea!
Girl, potty training sucks!! At least you know there are a few of us out here who are expereincing the misery with you. At least you know that there is a slight chance you will pay them back one day when they have to give you sponge baths and change your depends.
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