I'm not one to explain myself. Since this is my site, I have to give Mike a voice and stand up for him for a minute, even if that perceived enemy is my own rant.
Mike is a good man. It's easy to read a few posts on a blog and think you know someone. Unfortunately for Mike, I try to avoid boring subjects like how wonderful of a husband he is. He's mostly on the front lines of my blog when he's in the doghouse.
If you knew Mike and his journey at all, you would think he was some sort of superhuman being.
I grew up in a very close family and extended family, and we had very close family friends and neighbors. I did very well in school, and every night I came back to a home cooked meal and an evening hanging out with the neighborhood families. I spent every weekend with my parents and sister, usually camping or enjoying a bonfire or swimming in our pool with friends. I had a lot of freedom, but I always knew my parents loved me and were there for me.
On the flip side of that coin, Mike has seen more carnage than anyone has a right to and be normal. Before you get the impression things were all bad for Mike as a kid, they weren't. His parents loved him, he had some very close friendships, and he had bonds with many of his teachers. Unfortunately, when Mike's dad left after the divorce, it created a vacuum for everything that was unstable to enter Mike's life. At the age of 14, Mike was left in the care of his alcoholic mother and, later, her deranged boyfriend.
By the time we met at 17, his mother's boyfriend had threatened to kill Mike, his mom was often passed out in need of Mike's care, and he drove around in his car for hours at a time just so he didn't have to go home. His only reprieve was once a year for a week when Mike and his dad would go on RAGBRAI - a bike ride across the state that they'd been doing since he was 10. At 18, I encouraged him to talk with his dad about moving in with him, which he did. Mike's attitude turned to a more positive side. He was more stable and enjoyed "normal" things again.
When my family met Mike, they loved him immediately. He was always so polite and grateful for everything my parents did for him, no matter how small. The times my mom would let him sleep over - even though we were dating and only 18 - he would wake up to my mom cooking breakfast on the weekends and would chat with my dad, a guy who doesn't open up to just anyone. My mom and Mike would cook in the kitchen and tease each other like women. He was part of the family.
We had the normal drama of a young relationship, but Mike was incredibly loyal. He and I laughed at the same jokes, we felt comfortable around each other, and we understood where the other had come from and what we wanted from life. We loved camping and taking walks, we loved the outdoors, we loved movies and could sit and do nothing for hours and hours without blinking. We were both spontaneous, although Mike was a bit more cautious than I was, unless it came to extreme sports!
I wouldn't have been surprised to find out Mike was my long-lost twin.
Growing up, I was a late sleeper who liked her independence and thought she knew everything. I was book smart and liked to be in charge. Mike was an early riser with a phenomenal drive to accomplish goals. He felt more comfortable when he wasn't in control of the situation. We complemented each other. Plus he liked to play cribbage - an absolute MUST if you are to survive in our family.
After we moved in together, Mike applied to the mill where my dad worked. I believe he was 19. It is extremely difficult to get through the hiring process there, and yet Mike made it all the way to the last part - the interview portion. They only interviewed once every four years or so, but I could see a new fire and determination in him.
After that, I knew he needed college. He wasn't sure about it. He went into an Industrial Tech program which was 2-1/2 intense years of study and practice. Turns out he was good at school if it was something that challenged him. He was on the Dean's List every semester and should have graduated with honors (a technicality two semesters before graduation kept that from happening, but his GPA was high enough).
After marriage and before I got pregnant, Mike started work at a concrete construction company. He not only worked 12-14 hour days, 6-7 days a week, he would wake up early to pick up any workers who did not have a license or car. He got his CDL at the boss' request, and he would come home with "Well, I got a $2 / hour raise today. The boss says I'm the only one who actually works." It's a good thing the girls were born during an ice storm... they couldn't lay concrete, so Mike had off for two weeks. He reapplied at the mill after the girls were born and he's already been promoted once.
Considering the traumatic things he'd been put through by his mother, it could have been a train wreck for him to have kids of his own. Yet, I have never seen a dad so absorbed in his kids. Mike crawls on all fours and lets the girls ride around like he's a pony. He sings "I'm a Little Teapot" even though he can't hold a tune and gets horribly embarassed. He loves taking the kids out on his own on the town. He hugs and kisses them and holds them and reads to them. He shows a genuine interest in their lives, even at four years old when their lives revolve around snacktime and Barbies. People tell me all the time what an awesome dad Mike is.
As a husband, Mike is my best friend. He might make me occasionally angry, but mostly I can't wait to see him. He is a man of small gestures. Instead of flowers, Mike brings me snacks (thanks, by the way! That doesn't help me lose weight!) He brings me movies. He encourages me to take time to myself and visit my sister or friends or cousins (ahem... four days). If I ask for help, he's there to help. I could ask Mike to pick something up an hour from our house, he'd have no problem doing it. If I need sleep, he'll wake up with the girls and make a full breakfast while I sleep. He doesn't criticize me for my many flaws. He stands up for me if he thinks I'm being treated unfairly. He doesn't mind that I have put on thirty pounds since we met in high school. He doesn't protest when I post brutally honest rants on my blog, even about him. Most of all, we love each other.
Mike is the reason I threw out my life plan which never involved marriage and three kids by the age of 24. He was a surprise, and I knew the moment I met him that he was someone worth fighting for, someone worth knowing, someone worth marrying and keeping around for as long as he'd have me, even if he drives me insane from time to time.
If I dared to look, the rain would fly down our street and split itself around our house, only to rejoin itself on the other side. It was downright scary. I'd glue myself to the TV, even at 3 or 4 AM, knowing I'd be exhausted the next day, just to watch the weather radar.
